“Mumtaz”
At an estate sale I found a beautiful, painted wooden, 60’s retro doll, painted in a pink gown, I imagined came from India. Starting with a wooden walnut bowl, then a lotus blossom, made of delicate pink shells, I put her so that it looks like she is rising out of the lotus, and fitted a small brass candle holder on top of her head, so she could carry the light. All fused together with a rod, about twelve inches high.
Finishing the assemblage I stood back to take a look at her. She was a strong woman of grace, dignity, with a loving serene nature about her. Pondering upon what to name her, the love story of the Taj Mahal came to mind; a powerful Emperor built it as a testimony of his love for his favorite wife, Mumtaz, who died giving birth to his fourteenth child. Devastated over his loss he grieved in seclusion for a year to emerge and build for the next twenty two years what is the 7th wonder of the world.
I noticed having a curious reaction to this love story. Well that was a signal of an issue, for sure. “What was making me react to a love so deep that it inspired a man to build such a great and beautiful monument to honor his wife’s beauty, and be a tribute of their love. This was a woman who really brought the best out in a man. I believed love is about inspiring a mate to realize their full potential?
Questioning myself about this reaction, I felt a little bit of guilt rolled into the equation because it had only been four years since the passing of my Soul mate and I had already moved on. Asking myself “had I spent enough time grieving over my loss to prove I done enough to commemorate our love and life together?” I could feel a very deep part of me hold onto some guilt that I didn’t have the right to be so happy now. That was quite a surprise to me, but like I say grief is a time release capsule and you never knew when it might go off. This residual grief needed to be healed because it would always be a thorn interfering in my life.
Asking my departed what it was he wanted from me, the answer came swift and clear in the memory of the last thing he said to me “I can not be responsible for your fears!” Those words had a deep impact on me and since then have worked hard not to have fear bind me in limitation. So looking at that I realized that living my life with joy and evolving from the lessons learned in our relationship was the greatest tribute I could give him. We had a love that wanted the best from each other, so if I gave up my life and the potential to love again it would be more like a punishment than a celebration of our love, and I would be doing it in fear by not opening my heart to love again. In addition, if I took that path I would not be truly living in the moment but staying bound to the past, regretful of what could have been, and morning over my loss. Let me tell you to just pine away for years would have been much easier to do, it was harder in so many respects to move on and live in the present moment.
The truth of the matter was what had set me on the road to healing was my year of celebrating every anniversary, birthday, bands we heard, the places we visited, the things that had meaning to us. It was bittersweet at times with certain memories but the blessing was that we had those experiences together and now it was time to make new ones, doing this exercise also helped me to get out of the house to begin living again and meet new people. That I did fearlessly! That was his last request, reaffirming that released all of the guilt and gave me the permission so to speak to enjoy the wonderful physical realm and the blessing of having love relationship again in my life.
De Light Full Deborah
Price; $75.00
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